What Were YOUR Sins?
by Victor Sigil
Summary: A Vincent oneshot. Sitting in the Mideel clinic watching Cloud battle Mako poisoning, he notices the similarity between the two of them, and their personal struggles.


**What Were YOUR Sins?**

By Victor Sigil

He's been like this for a while now. The same unreachable expression, same incoherent fragments of speech, same spastic motions while he's confined in his wheelchair. Almost like an autistic child. Of course, by all logic, he should be dead, but I suspect the Jenova inside of him won't let that happen.

When they found him, he had been severely poisoned with Mako. Probably to the point where a normal human being would have succumbed. They brought him to the clinic shortly before we arrived in town. Of course, Tifa was the first one to go tearing into the place, demanding to see him. Sadly enough, I think she was hoping to see him intact. He certainly gave off an un-killable vibe while he was with us. But no. Cloud was not okay this time. Either his soul had been burned out of him, or he was so overloaded that he had become trapped inside his own head. She was devastated. And, of course, being the wishful thinker that she is, she's been staying by his side for such a long time now, thinking that "love will save the day."

I watch them sometimes. It fascinates me. Don't get me wrong, it's not jealousy or cold indifference or anything in between. I'm just trying to understand. You see, Cloud and I are not so different. And I don't mean it in the sense that Hojo worked his evil upon both of us. Neither of us could face our realities, and as a result, we both hid ourselves away. Me in a coffin, and him, in the unbreakable prison of his mind.

So what were your sins, Cloud? What did you do that finally broke you? Because I know it wasn't the horrible mixture of death consuming you as we speak. It was your guilt and self-hatred, wasn't it? Your sins of not being able to face either Tifa or your mother. Your pride, or lack thereof, getting in the way of letting people accept you for who you are…well…were… You felt that you weren't good enough because you didn't get into SOLDIER. You were afraid to take your ridicule _or _hear that you were loved anyway. You rejected any option but coming home as you had pictured it. So you hid in two coffins: first your uniform, and then your Zack alter ego. It doesn't matter what shape the box is, as long as the lid is on, huh?

Well, I know from sin. For 30 years, I was afraid of the same thing. I was afraid of showing the world what I was, of facing up to myself. I was afraid of righting my wrongs. I could have found Sephiroth when he was young and assassinated him if I had bothered to poke my head out. It would have been easy with my Turk training and…enhancements. But I was paralyzed because I couldn't be what I wanted for the woman I loved. The same thing you're suffering right now, if you're even still _in there_. We both set our expectations too high, and as a result, allowed horrible things to happen all around us while we were too self-absorbed to do anything.

If you ever get out of this, kid, you and I are going to have a little talk. Father-son, maybe. Lord knows that even though I don't look it, I'm definitely old enough to be your dad. I'll tell you what I've been thinking about. I'll explain to you that life or your circumstances don't always turn out like you want them to. But you can't give up. You have to hold your head high. I wish you could see how worried Tifa is about you. If you were able to tell her about your take on all of this, you'd have her. My ship sailed. I couldn't even be a friend for Lucrecia because I was so torn up from rejection. Things didn't turn out the way I planned, so I just up and gave up. And what did it get me?

_A dead lover?_

_Her illegitimate son, child of the man I'm sworn to kill, loose on a rampage?_

_My teammate laying like a vegetable in his wheelchair as his eyes glow bright blue?_

Not this time…

I hear commotion outside. I think it's Weapon. It probably won't help if I blast it to hell, but it's worth a shot. From this day forward, I'll pay for both of our sins. Whatever gets you back. Because my battle can only go so far…

I think in the end, you'll be the one who comes out on top.

Stay focused, Cloud. Don't die on us now…


End file.
